Week 2 Mr. Fantasy


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WEEK 2 MR. FANTASY

   

Jaguars (-18) vs. Semolina Pilchards

 

Jags started out the year right by having the 3rd highest overall score in Week 1 and beating Division rival Sandbaggers.  Semolina Pilchards as usual appear that they are heading towards another wretched season.  Their #1 pick, Kurt Warner ended up being the WORST overall QB in Week 1.  And based on how the Rams looked, it may be a tough year for them.  It is looking like the Pilchards took KC QB a year to early and St. Louis QB a year to late.    Also, the Pilchards never ever play the right players.  Teams go into games against the Pilchards knowing they have a 2 to 1 shot of beating  them.  Stupid Pilchards bought into the hype about Emmitt Smith against the expansion Texans so they lost out on Travis Henry’s phenomenal game in Week 1.  Jags have the advantage in every position at this point against the Pilchards.  McNabb currently blows away Warner.  Charlie Garner and Garrision Hearst have great matchups this week meaning they will probably score double what the Pilchards Deuce McAllister and Travis Henry will.  Jags Ed McCaffrey and Randy Moss are much stronger than the Pilchards Rod Smith and Moulds, and with the Miami Kicker and NE Defense they will outscore the Pilchards Wilkins and GB D.  Jags go to 2-0 in their Division while Pilchards fall to 0-2 for the season as another pathetic year begins for the Pilchards.  Jags 109 – 91.

 

 

TNT Explosion (-14) vs. Sandbaggers

 

TNT began Week 1 by beating up on the Pathetic Pilchards.  Sandbaggers suffer from the same symptom as the Pilchards since they have Marshall Faulk and Isaac Bruce and the Rams offense has not been impressive in preseason or the regular season.  TNT is always a steady team and while this would typically be a good year for the Sandbaggers, it ain’t looking good.  TNT’s Denver QB’s should be more than enough to beat the Baggers Kordell Stewart.  While the Sandbaggers Faulk and Davis looked good on paper, Eddie George and Curtis Martin would probably blow them away, but Martin is hurt.  Therefore TNT will possibly be substituting for him this weekend.  Advantage Baggers!  Even so, TNT’s wideouts of Rod Gardner and Terry Glenn should beat up on Bruce and Rice for the Baggers.  Let’s give it another week cause Arizona sucks on defense but Washington may just be for real.  If they are, Mr. Fantasy sure wishes he had some of them on his team!  TNT’s Vanderjagt and Miami D should be more than enough to surpass the Baggers John Carney and SD D.  TNT crushes the Baggers as they go to 2-0 and the Baggers fall to 0-2 when TNT wins 102-88.

 

What’s the Point (-8) vs. Undertakers

 

Oh.  Look who SUCKED Week 1.  The Undertakers.  Lowest score in the league.  Mr. Fantasy needs to use words to beat up on the Underfuckers cause he never follows up with action by beating those bastards!  Maybe this year‘ll be the year.  What’s the Point basically sucked also in Week 1 although their getting blown out by 35 points does not compare at all to the Underfakers being destroyed in Week 1 by 93 points.  They lost by 93 friggin’ points.  That is more than most teams scored in Week 1!  Anyway, this game will definitely be the crappiest game of the week, but someone will be .500 and someone will be 0-2.  Mr. Fantasy’s vote is for the Undertakers to start 0-2.    The Point should surpass the Takers this week when they pit Manning against Favre.  Quite honestly, their RB’s of Fred Injury Taylor and William Green should blow away Bettis and anyone else the Takers throw out.  Keyshawn Johnson and Santana Moss should score more than Torry Holt, who is on the so far pathetic Rams, and Muhammad from Carolina , however this is iffy as Carolina plays a crappy team this week and the Rams offense may come alive this week.  Oh yeah.  This just in.  DALLAS SUCKS!  Only team ever to lose to an expansion team in their first game.  I for one am happy that Dallas will be bringing up the rear of the NFC East.  Mr. Fantasy is looking forward to the Giants sweeping Dallas this year.  Kicker battle swings the Points way, but Defense should go to the Undertakers as they pit Washington against Dallas .  Although this game will not be very exciting, the Point will pull out the victory and send the Takers into a freefall as they win 70-62.

 

 

Suicide Kings (-3) vs. C&D TD Makers

 

What can you say about C&D in Week 1.  The high score and it certainly has to be one of the highest if not the highest score ever.  Suicide Kings weren’t to shabby either with a big week one win.  As a matter of fact these two teams crushed the Undertakers and the Point in Week 1.  There are some interesting points to make in this game.  C&D is no way gonna get the same score out of the Jets D/ST.  The return game on the Jets is especially good with Chad Morton and Santana Moss, but they ain’t gonna score 60 every week.  The Kings have a big time reliance on KC this year.  If Week 1 is any indication, KC may have a good offense this year and the Kings may score a lot.  It will be surprising to Mr. Fantasy if Priest Holmes duplicates last year’s effort.  QB is a toss up between these teams with C&D using Miami and the Kings using KC.  RB has to go C&D way because of LT, Ladainain Tomlinson and Shawn Alexander going up against Priest Holmes and Jamal Lewis.  Receiver swings to the Kings with Boston and Owens most likely scoring way more than Chris Chambers and Joey Galloway especially since Galloway DOES NOT have a QB throwing to him and the QB throwing to Chambers is very questionable.    Kings also win out at Kicker with Akers against Hall who is always iffy on Field Goals and Pittsburgh D against Jets D who Mr. Fantasy guarantees will not score as much this week.  Kings win 117-114, as the Duce runs Loose.  J

 

 

Mighty Caesars (-9) vs. NAMBLA (formerly known as TBFC which was formerly known as BGCH)

 

Mighty Caesars started off the year with a loss as they were beat up by the Commish’s team.  Most likely the Caesars lost because Mr. Fantasy said he liked their team after the draft.   NAMBLA who won the fantasy bowl last year looks like they really SUCK in week 1 at any rate.  Mr. Fantasy must beat on them a bit as verbal abuse is the only form of punishment he can give as he never seems to win with his fantasy team.  As a matter of fact, when they were knows as TBFC, Mr. Fantasy believes he has figured out what the name stands for:  Triffling Bankers Fuckface Cocksuckers.  Most likely these guys have something to do with those fucking ATM fees that gouge every one of us suckers.  At any rate, every one of us knows what their new name, NAMBLA stands for.  And we always wondered why this team occasionally brought young boys to the draft.  Now we know.  The QB battle will probably be a draw as Caesars pit Brooks against NAMBLA’S Culpepper.  As far as RB go, Ahman Green and The Edge should blow away NAMBLA’s Pittman and Antowain Smith.  Receiver battle probably swings NAMBLA’s way as they have Tim Brown and Marvin Harrison against Jimmy Smith and Keenan McCardell.  Caeasars will pull out Specials Detail with the Oakland Kicker and Chicago D going up against Pittsburgh Kicker and St. Louis D.  Caesars win their first and NAMBLA lose their second as the Caesars win 88-79.

 

Show Me the Money (-1) vs. Dragon Slayers

 

Both teams won their first game, with Show Me pulling out a squeaker when they beat TBFC by 1 point.  Since the league started, Mr. Fantasy thinks Show Me has been involved in more 1 point games than any other team.  Dragon Slayers will definitely become the Dragon Suckies as the season wears on.  Once the Suckies begin doing the actual Commish work, which certainly seems doubtful, they will go downhill.  Most likely they will leave the job on the Pilchards cause as usual it will make them suck.  While Mr. Fantasy thinks ultimately both of these teams will SUCK as the year goes on, other owners question what the hell these teams will be sucking?  Check in with NAMBLA team owners for details!  At any rate, the QB battle this week should be won by Show Me as they put up Jeff Garcia against Rich Gannon.  Show Me should get more points out of their RB’s as they pit Corey Dillon, who is due for a score, and Anthony Thomas against Ricky Williams and Duce Staley who is on a RB by committee team but still seems to pull out a score every week.  At wideout, Slayers should be better with Marty Booker and Joe Horn up against Show Me’s Qadry Ismail and Jeremy Shockey.  Kicking battle and Defensive battle also seem to swing Show Me’s way.  Show Me wins their second in a row on their march to the playoffs, when they win 79-78.