Mr. Fantasy Week 2

COMMISH NOTE:  WEEK 2 MR. FANTASY WAS WRITTEN BEFORE THE SEPT. 11 ATTACK ON AMERICA.  POSTING WAS HELD BACK UNTIL 9/18/01.
By Greg Smith- TBFC

First, I’d like to thank the Commissioner for absolutely boring the shit out of us with his thoughts behind his draft picks. We don’t give a rat’s ass about what the hell you’re thinkin during draft day given the fact that your team has more or less sucked year in and year out with the exception of a very freakish occurrence when the team had won maybe ten games. Your picks have sucked, your team has sucked and your overall results have sucked. Do us a favor, just do the article next time and don’t kill us about your mastermind picks.

Thank you.

That being said, I will not bore you with what the hell I was thinking as I was on the cell phone with my fantasy partner, drinking beer, eatin pizza and talking smack. While I thought TBFC was fairly good, the ultimate kiss of death came when Mike Weber thought the team looked good on paper. I may as well fold my fuckin tent because it’s all over baby. The ultimate kiss of death – a Mike Weber compliment.

That being said, let’s move toward week two and my overall picks for the week. Keep in mind that week two continues to focus on inter-divisional battles, which count almost double in the standings.

 

Dragon Slayers at the Jaguars - A battle of undefeated teams, although this is somewhat misleading. Both beat up on fantasy fakes last week so we will begin to see who the real team is. It’s nice to see Terry Daniels back with a competitive team, although, God knows it’s taken him having to have the number one pick for several years in a row to get it. Given the fact that I think this may be the absolute weakest division in the Fantasy Football League, this game will have long ranging ramifications down the road. Look for the Jaguars to run away and hide with this as they look to blow past the century mark for the second week in a row. Final score Jags - 101, Dragon Slayers – 72. Note to Dragon Slayers owner – if you’re going to drink road house big guy, you’d better eat a hell of a lot more pizza than what you did. Hope you slept well that night, cause it’s going to be a long year for you.

 

What’s the Point and Semolina Pilchards - Congratulations to Bob Morton who won his first game of the season. That being said, this may have been his best draft ever (oh, that’s right, he wasn’t there) but his victory gives us all a very nice warm and fuzzy feeling after kickin the shit out of the smack talking, shit eatin Undertakers during week 1. The Undertakers have a fitting name this year because I figure by the end of the sixth week, they will be at least six feet underground. They made for an enjoyable draft, none the less. Look for this game to get ugly and ugly early as unfortunately our Commish may have put together a decent team this year. He was somewhat fortunate last week in that McCaffery went down with a leg injury, however that being said, he still won easily. Look for this week’s score to be even wider. Semolina Pilchards – 115, What’s the Point – 71.

 

TNT Explosion at C&D Touchdown Makers - There are very few owners in the league that I really don’t like to talk smack about, however, C&D TD Makers are one of them. After watching them carefully move through the first four rounds of the draft this year, I really started to feel like they may have something going. And then the evil JETS JETS JETS chant started creeping into both of their heads. That being said, their score would have easily beaten most of the other teams in the league during week one so before I start throwing dirt on them, I am anxious to see how they do in this very key inter-divisional battle against TNT Explosion. TNT Explosion, despite having an off week from Randy Moss, won easily against the pathetic TBFC team and this should prove to be a fairly competitive game. The fact that the Jets are on the road, could prove very costly to C&D Touchdown Makers as I look for TNT Explosion to go 2-0. They may not have as a productive week from the quarterback or running back position, look for Randy Moss to make up the slack. Final score 102-90.

 

Suicide Kings at Show Me The Money – Thank God for the pathetic Suicide Kings as they were the only team that TBFC outscored last week. You’ve gotta love Mike Goydish’s Show Me The Money. I’m not exactly sure what the fuck he was thinking the night of the draft. He struggled to find running backs and I think that got into his head which had an effect on his overall draft. That being said, I look for his team to rebound strongly this week and beat the pathetic, powerless, punchless, and pussyfuld Suicide Kings 82-7. The seven points being scored all by their defense and special teams.

 

Undertakers at Sandbaggers - Knowing that my team was headed for a dismal week last week, for the first time in probably my Fantasy Football career, I closely focused on another team’s roster. That’s right, the Undertakers. Chapter 150, my friend, those who laugh last, laugh the loudest. The 64 points the Undertakers scored last week, in fact, may be their best week of the year. Look for this pathetic bunch of losers to struggle throughout the year, and, oh yeah, I may ask if I can continue to write a special Undertakers article each week. Just like Inside HBO covered the Ravens in the off season/pre-season, I may be doing a special Bio on this team on a week by week basis. It’s quite evident at this point, Phil should look to take over complete ownership of the team and kick out Darrel who was too busy playin football, buyin beers and shoving the pathetic trophy in and out of his asshole all night. Phil, my condolences to you. Final score – Sandbaggers 105, Undertakers – 32.

 

 

The Mighty Caesars at TBFC – I must admit, the Mighty Caesars surprised me during week 1. As I watched them take Ricky Williams as their first pick in the draft and silently chuckled thinking that me and my partner already had the division rapped up. That being said, after watching the Mighty Caesars double my score for week one, I figured I’d better go back to square one on Fantasy Football ownership. Making what must have been some of the dumbest picks during week 1, I’ve gone back to my starting lineup in the hopes of getting a "W" this week. Looking for the sophomore jinx from the Mighty Caesars and a let down in week two and trying to sneak one out. TBFC’s main star players Harrison, George, Oakland QB’s all play against weaker defensive units this week while the Mighty Caesars’ stars have some tougher defensive tills. That being said, look for this one to go down to the wire. Final score – TBFC 91, Mighty Caesars – 90.