Week 13 Power Rankings


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Week 13 Power Rankings- with bonus content at the end!!!!!

Dragon Slayers- Commish Fuckentino has already clinched his division, which is good news for him cause it means the Pilchards won’t drop him down to a Wildcard team. Did you know that the Slayers have only scored 45 points less than the Kings? Slayers finish up the season 3-1 while the Kings go 1-3 as the Slayers win the #1 spot.

Suicide Kings- Still a good team. Priest Holmes has scored 339 points- more than probably any other player. He is worth both RB’s on any other team. Even so, Kings traditionally go on an end of the year swoon, so it will likely happen again this year.

Sandbaggers- I haven’t given this team their due, but looks like I’m forced to. Not surprisingly, they’ve torn up the league the past 7 weeks, which coincides with Vick being such a great fantasy player during this time. The Nick and Nick team can probably keep it up to end up as division champs.

Jaguars- Were hot, now are not. They have taken a hurtin’ at the QB position, with their Phila QB’s and their Jag’s QB’s. Used to lead the division and now may have to fight for a wildcard spot, although another victory would seem to virtually guarantee them a playoff spot and how can they not win 1 of the next 4.

TNT Explosion- At one point they were neck and neck with their division leaders, who remarkably are the Baggers and the Jags. 3 of the 4 teams in this division take up 3 of the playoff spots. TNT does not seem to have the strongest roster at this point and I know they still gotta play a game each with the Baggers and Jags to finish up the year. While the Jags should not be hard pressed to win 1 of their next 4, TNT just might be.

Mighty Caesars- Even though they are 4-9, they have a great chance to make it to the playoffs. They play the Pilchards in Week 14, who are due for a loss, and being that they play the Pilchards, they also have a 50% chance of getting the weekly high score. Mark my words, this week, Caesars score over 120.

Show Me the Money- While they are tied for the final playoff spot, they have suffered some massive injuries to their RB corps lately. Even so, maybe breaks go their way and they go on an incredible win streak. Me thinks not, but this has been a strange season. Personally, I am hoping they suffer more roster injuries this week cause I play ‘em next week in a critical playoff matchup for tiebreakers.

Semolina Pilchards- On paper, Pilchards should be rocking the league. Manning, McAllister, Tomlinson, Moulds, Driver. These guys bring in the points, but the problem is many teams end up with some of their best games of the year against the Pilchards. I think 4 teams have won the pot against them. Critical playoff tiebreaker matchup with the Caesars in Week 14, and based on Pilchards Probability Statistics, it’ll be a loss. Not only did the Pilchards have to play a schedule of the Kings, Jags, and Slayers, now they finish out the year against Caesars, Show Me, Jags, and Bags (or vice versa). Like a fucking limerick. Pilchards down to 5 draft picks left on their team, and the next month will be the test of the moves.

Undertakers- A victory always makes a team feel better, but the Undertakers lose virtually every tiebreaker to other teams. I think they only have 1 out of division victory. They don’t score enough so they ain’t gonna be going anywhere this year. See trophy comments under TBFC. They apply to you guys too.

C&D TD Makers- They should have a better record than they do. Actually they should have a 10-3 record and be competing with the Kings for the division. But alas, they only pick the best players 78% of the time, which results in a +6 possibility in winning games they have lost this year. They’ve scored a bunch, made a number of moves to improve their team, but have had a run of bad luck. Even so, based on some of the past seasons, this year at 4-9 currently, should be considered a success.

TBFC- How the mighty have fallen. Like the Undertakers only have 1 out of division win, so basically it is over for them. And I don’t want to hear any of that bullshit about name on the trophy that they and the Undertakers are so proud of. Does your job base your reviews on past years performance? I don’t think so. Current performance counts, and you guys suck!

What’s the Point- They were eliminated from playoff contention sometime in September. J It’s a virtual certainty that they will get the #1 pick next year, so now it is speculation time. It would appear that Priest Holmes will be the move, but first he has to make it through this season. Unlike C&D, this season SHOULD NOT be considered a success.

BONUS CONTENT

And now for a little fun at Martino’s expense and because it drives him crazy, let’s see how may errors in spelling did the Commish make in Mr. Fantasy Week 14. Let’s all play together.

INTRO PARAGRAPH

Due should be Do

Dye should be Die

SHOW ME VS. BAGGERS

Then should be Than

Bags should be Bag

Locks should be Lock

CAESARS VS. PILCHARDS

Win lose, win lose should be Lose win, lose win
Definetly should be Definitely

KINGS VS. TNT

Were should be Where

Watching should be Watch

TAKERS VS. JAGS

And should be "eliminated"

SLAYERS VS. C&D

Worry should be Worried

TBFC VS. POINT

No errors- good fucking job.

And the historical table was pretty fucking cool. Sort of. Reminds me of my last 3 shitty seasons.